Q. A homecare nurse visits my dad regularly while we are at work. However, when I ask him what she said, or if she left any special instructions, he always says, “I don’t remember” or “I’m not sure.” How can I be sure we are getting any important information?
A. One of the best ways to ensure you are receiving important information is to be on your father’s contact list. That way you can contact the nurse yourself and she will be able to provide you with any information you need. In addition, look to see if there is a homecare chart in your dad’s home (it’s usually on top of the fridge). This will tell you what the nurse did with your dad when she was there. Could you arrange to be at your dad’s home for one visit so you can meet the nurse and see for yourself what is going on?
Q. The homecare nurse who visits my mother is very capable and professional. However, she and my mother simply don’t get on well. I am worried that this may somehow hamper the care my mother is receiving. What should I do?
A. The actual care that your mother receives should not be altered, even if she doesn’t get along with her homecare nurse. But if she does have a good relationship with the nurse, she might be more open to suggestions from her or even listen better. If you feel your mother would do better with a different care provider, contact the nurse’s agency and ask for a change. Everyone is an individual, and not everyone gets along with everyone else.
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Tags: home care, providing care, Q&A, relationships, seniors
There seems to be a whole lot of pushback to the niootn that professional care is better than the care from a relative/spouse. I was surprised to find myself at the receiving end of this pushback when my grandmother and I made the decision to move my great-grandmother, at 101, out of my grandmother’s home and into a nursing facility. I was 18 at the time, and working full time and living on my own. I helped when I could, but my schedule was erratic, to I really couldn’t commit to being available for every appointment, shower, etc. My grandmother was 75 and had emphysema and osteoporosis. She physically could not help get her mom from the chair to the toilet, etc. It was dangerous for both of them. Homecare would have needed to be extensive, and was neither practical in their case nor welcome. Just not their thing. Indignant acquaintances called me everything but a child of God because I didn’t quit my job and move in to their tiny 2 bed duplex to take care of them. Here’s the thing my grandmothers would have set their own hair on fire before asking me to do so. They didn’t want me to. But folks believed I was to override their decisions and insert myself in their home. And these same folks wondered aloud why the staff at the facility could do a better job than we could. Because there are dozens of them. Because if one is ill, another takes his/her place. Because they are trained. Because they work on shifts, and get a night’s sleep before working again. Love and familial ties do not a home healthcare worker make. It was so nice to get to visit with my great-grandma again. Grandma and I were no longer in charge. We hadn’t realized it at the time, but instead of our usual family dynamic, she had become our ward. That power dynamic had taken a mental and emotional toll on us all as surely as the work took a physical toll. But no one want to hear these things.I think the arrangement that you and Don have with the home healthcare worker is fantastic. I have mentioned to my husband that if I find myself requiring constant assistance with daily self-care tasks that I want his help in finding a service provider. He knew my family’s story, but the power-dynamic issue didn’t come up directly. I think a mention of that would ease what remaining discomfort he has about hired help for me.